The Conquering Hero…At Least for Now

A lot has happened over the course of the last year. I wasn’t brave enough to share more detailed insight into our lives. Life was hard. The Dragons won. A lot. He was officially diagnosed with ODD, ADHD and anxiety and it is believed that he is on the Autism Spectrum. It was hard for my mama heart to hear the words as they left the psychiatrist’s mouth but with them came direction on our course of action. While it has been a trying year with the Dragons winning more than the brave knight, he was able to add a couple amazing weapons to his arsenal that have finally started to turn the tides. He was able to begin attending a school for kids with special needs. Being surrounded by other brave knights and being taught by loving, understanding teachers has made a world of difference. He isn’t “the bad kid” or the “weird kid” anymore. They see him for what he is, a good-hearted little boy that befriends anyone around but also struggles a bit with reading while excelling at math. Being in an atmosphere that embraces who he is, all of it, has made all the difference in his education.

His second weapon has been his companion in arms, his wonderful service dog. The bond they share is incredible. He met her when she was only 4 weeks old and it was instant love. She left her mother when he walked in the room and he couldn’t stop playing with her. We took weekly trips to the breeder’s house until she could finally join us. She has a special gift for seeing the Dragons before any of us do and letting me know they are lurking. I can help prepare him for his battle and he no longer faces it alone. She is by his side through it all, buoying him up when he can’t do it anymore. Occasionally he hates her for it while the battle is raging but is ever grateful for her when the heat of the battle subsides. She is valiant and strong just like him. Two of a kind that are stronger together than either is alone.

We’ve had to do several med changes to keep his levels where they need to be. He is growing like crazy which means it throws everything out of whack just when we think we found a perfect balance. I’ve expanded my arsenal as well. I’ve found some amazing sensory techniques and activities that help him keep the Dragons at bay. Today we are winning. Today he is the Conquering Hero. Victorious. The beauty of his bravery is that no matter how many times the Dragons win, he picks himself up and keeps on going. Defeat has never been will never be permanent because he has a warrior heart.

We’re Back

I know it has been a long time. Life happened. It got hard to let people in on it. Not much has changed other than I have felt an overwhelming push to get active again. I don’t know if it is for my own therapy and healing or if it is to help others who may be going through the same dark struggle. Either way I am driven to write about the good, the bad and the ugly so hold on to your hats because the ride may be bumpy. It’s a lonely fight that ravages not only the knight who must wage war, but all those who love him. I know you may be lonely, depressed or anxious. Know that you are not alone. In a country where those with mental illness, regardless of the type, are treated as societal outcasts who just need to suck it up instead of being treated just like those who suffer from any other illness it only makes the problem worse. The stigma associated with depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and all the others causes those who suffer to do so in silence. THIS ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH! We are failing each other. We need to be there for each other. Please reach out to those around you who may be suffering. Please help create an atmosphere of inclusion instead of one of exclusion. One where we genuinely care about the well-being of those around us.

What are your Dragons?

Everyone has them. Not all are seen. Not all are heard. They are there. They are standing guard protecting man’s greatest treasure. Happiness. Some days our Dragons are more visible, other days they are invisible to all but the brave soul waging war to seek out the treasure of happiness. While I struggle with my own Dragons, the ones that seem to win more often than not are the ones I have to watch my sweet son battle. As a mother, nothing is more heart-wrenching than sending him in to battle against his Invisible Dragons. I give him the weapons, support, encouragement and help that I can along the way but in the end it is a battle he must wage on his own; at 5. It is a battle most will never understand and one that he is constantly judged for. When the adversary is invisible, the judgements are harsher. None of us see the size, strength or determination of the foe. All we see are the times the knight falls down, drops his sword, loses his resolve. We don’t understand the quest he is on nor how vigilant he must be to protect himself from the Dragon while on his quest to find the treasure. Let us all be a little more understanding, patient, kind and loving as we see others struggling against their invisible Dragons.

May we all take a moment to ask ourselves, “What are my Dragons and how can I make progress in my quest to secure that treasure they are so skillfully guarding?”

If we are truly honest with ourselves, I’m sure the answers will surprise. My hope is that as I share some of our experiences, positive and negative, with my son’s Dragons that others will find support, strength and encouragement to wage battle.